First Time Sex – Let’s Do This…

[Ask Me Anything]

So here we are.  You are considering having sex for the first time…or you maybe have already done the deed.  Now what?  With out a lot of thought…answer this one question:

Are you considering this, or did you do this, because YOU wanted to?

If you answered “yes”, congratulations.  MAYBE you are barking up a tree you are ready to climb.  My goal is simple.  I hope to help keep your physical, emotional, and spiritual well being intact.  I will use the word “partner” for the person you are considering having sex with…and I assume you have someone in mind…

Be prepared to deal with your parents.  At some point, they will find out.  They may even just ask.  You will want to be ready to stand up and claim your sexuality when the time comes.  That includes being honest with your family members.  If you aren’t prepared for that conversation, it may not be your time yet.

  1. TRUST: Have you built a foundation of trust with your partner?  Trust is earned and takes time.  Feel certain that the person you are with respects and honors you.  Especially at this time.  What you are considering can have life altering ramifications, so don’t just jump in.  Talk to your partner about all of the points here.  If you can’t do that, it may be an indicator that you may want to consider waiting until you can.
  2. PREPARE SPIRITUALLY: If you are a faith based person, then you have to consider God.  Be sure you have your spiritual side giving you a thumbs up!
    1. What does your religious background and own moral compass tell you?
    2. If you proceed, will you be racked with guilt or shame?  Pray and think on this topic – you can’t reverse your decision.
    3. What about birth control and vaccines?  How does your faith feel about these matters?
    4. If you get pregnant, what are your options from the standpoint of your religious beliefs?  Are you ready for the responsibility of a child?
    1. Buy condoms and read the box!!!  Condoms have a shelf life.  Yep, keep the box so you have the expiration date.  They lose effectiveness if stored improperly (yes guys, that 3 month old condom in your wallet…that’s in your car may not work so well).
    2. Make sure you understand your, or your partners, ovulation cycle and avoid having sex during the days you, or your partner, are likely ovulating. If your, or your partners, cycle isn’t regular then you have to be extra careful!  Birth control is NOT 100% effective.  You can help yourself since you can control when you have sex.
    3. Ask your partner how many other partners he/she has had.  You may want to consider getting tests done for Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) before you go any further.
    4. What’s it like the first time?  Well, I think it’s safe to say for most folks it’s a bit awkward, maybe even a little embarrassing at first.  It may be uncomfortable or even a little painful.  It may be none of these things!  As the ever growing world population can attest, no “1st time” issues seem to stop anyone from having sex. So, try not to worry about all that too much.  Talk to your partner about concerns and come up with what will work, so it’s comfortable and safe for you both.
    5. If you are the female side of this equation, it’s a good time to set up a time to talk to a doctor (if you don’t have that option, find a local clinic) about birth control options and find out what they recommend for STD vaccines.  Plan to have regular check ups on reproductive health.  Hey, if you are gonna play big girl, then do it right.
  4. UNDERSTAND YOUR RISKS:  Yeah, Yeah…you know about STDs from School and…Duh…getting pregnant.  Well, how much do you really know?
    1. Are you aware that some of the most common STDs have no symptoms and intercourse isn’t the only way you can get them?
    2. In addition, condoms won’t protect you against all of the STD’s because they can be passed through other forms of contact.
    3. Pregnancy risk can’t be ignored.  Don’t forget the religious and moral side to this!  Are you ready to face pregnancy and having a child, or giving a child up for adoption, or an abortion?
  5. PREPARE PHYSICALLY:  No, I’m not talking about working out so you look awesome.  I am referring to:
    1. Make sure you have condoms and maybe even personal lubrication (water based so you don’t damage condoms).
    2. Most of us feel more “presentable” after bathing.  So, Shower up or take a relaxing bath and be clean!   Birthday suit dressing for the occasion is grooming that will likely help you feel more comfortable.
    3. Have a safe and private place (the back of the car in a parking lot doesn’t usually end up so well, or when your parents are downstairs).
  6. PREPARE EMOTIONALLY:  This is not a time to feel rushed, pressured or “I’m the last virgin”.
    1. If you feel rushed, pressured or worse, threatened (“I don’t know if I can keep seeing you if we don’t have sex soon” kind of talk) then this may not be the right time, or it may not be the right partner.
    2. If you are with all your friends and it’s all sex talk, you may feel left out or worse, they may be trying to shame you for still being a virgin…well…that’s their issue.  There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!  Heck, they may even be feeling guilty about their own choices so are trying to make you feel bad about yours…

Here’s more on this topic:

Losing your Virginity                       First Time Sex For Teens

Sex etc. – Sex Education by Teens – For Teens

See other links on the Sites to See page

Trust yourself.  Listen your yourself.  This is a personal choice.  If any of this you just read here seems just too embarrassing, then hold off.  Your spiritual, mental and physical health are at stake and will be forever changed.  Be well and here’s to great sex, when the time comes…


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